Nieve

Nieve

Reluces en la luz de la luna pegado al suelo conviertes todo en blanco Regalas una claridad a la naturaleza Nieve majestuosa traes paz a nuestro mundo sé que tu tiempo es fugaz pero quédate con nosotros esta noche

Las Luces de Madrid

It’s been a while since I’ve sat down and taken the time to write. Not that I haven’t written, I’ve written in my journal and whatnot, but I haven’t really reflected and I find myself a bit lost. Like I’m out of practice. I am out of practice. If anything, I have just realized the importance of keeping up with what you do.

Even the keys on the keyboard feel awkward to me. One spelling mistake after another is a visual reminder that damn, I always need to keep going no matter what. I have a million excuses and 90% of them have to do with my family and friends, but none of them, not one of them has merit. Because there is no reason why I shouldn’t have made the time to do this.

Anyway, I have chosen to get back into the swing of things with these luminiscente and awe-inspiring pictures of Madrid during Christmastime. It was the epitome of Madrid is Magic. Something about the sheer simplicity and complexity of light, is something that will always inspire and amaze us, as human beings. I can’t describe it. Somehow we are always transpired by it, whether it is through electricity or nature. The “lighting” of a space becomes a mood, a desire, or a passion. It is also what gives us and all living things nutrients. Essentially it gives us life. The scenes (and there were so many more) of all the lights throughout the entire city of Madrid made me gasp and gave me life.

P.S. Had this been a Mavis Beacon test I would’ve failed with flying colors.

Palabras

Palabras

No sé exactamente como expresarme

A veces mis sentimientos conquista todas mis palabras

y me quedo sin ellas

Cuentos y escenas mudas

rodeando en mi cabeza

Y a veces, mis emociones hace el contrario

Me llena el celebro con demasiado palabras…

palabras en inglés

palabras en español

palabras inventadas

sin razón

Letras bien combinados

letras mal combinados

Creando palabras que tienen sentido y que no tienen sentido

Así como en distinto idiomas y combinaciones me llega las palabras

son mis emociones

mezcladas

Triste por ciertas cosas e/o situaciones

y feliz por otras

Puede ser que esta mezcla

un poco agobiante

nos ha dejado bien pesado

Este año habido muchas muertes

a la misma muchos embarazos

Con un fín, siempre hay un nuevo comienzo

Y eso

me tranquiliza

Mal Ideas

Terrible Ideas

I was watching the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun” the other night and although I must’ve seen that movie at least a hundred times, I never caught on to, the main premise of the film: terrible ideas. When watching a film, you sometimes get caught up in the romance and the scenery, and no doubt, those elements are inspiring, but with that being our main focus, sometimes we lose sight of the most important theme, the relationship with yourself.

From the very beginning, it is established that the main character, who is a writer, is a proponent of terrible ideas. Her theory is that, when given time, thought, and care these terrible ideas start to transform, and when brought into fruition, become very good ideas.

I personally love “the idea” of taking something that may say seem terrible and turning it into something wonderful. It changes the perspective of something or an idea actually being terrible. Is it terrible or just underdeveloped?

It goes hand-in-hand with taking risks. Is taking a risk, merely being proactive on a terrible idea? And is it terrible depending on the outcome? My thoughts… it’s what you make of it. There’s always going to be outcomes that enhance your doubt, but it is my belief that with perseverance and time, those outcomes which gave you doubt, subside and the good idea begins to emerge. The best part is that, throughout the process, the process of transforming these terrible ideas, you establish a better relationship with yourself.

This character followed through with a “terrible”, irrational, completely spontaneous idea, and worked on it and nurtured it, until it became the best decision of her life. Life may not always be like a movie, but it has the potential to be better and more rewarding.

P.S. What would the world be like, if Columbus hadn’t taken his terrible idea of the world being round and done something with it?

Buenos Días Luna

Buenos Días Luna

Que todavía estás con nosotros

Disfrutando los colores que crea el sol en el cielo

Tu como nosotros eres espectadora a esta obra de arte

Buenos días luna

Que alegría es, tenerte este mañana

Tambien disfruto en verte por la noche

Su brillantez ilumina la sabana de azul medianoche del cielo

Y nos haz ver las estrellas

Pero con la luz de la mañana se ve claramente tu belleza

Por fin, después de toda la noche puedes estar junto con el sol y verlo en todo su esplendor

Besando el cielo en rosadas, amarillos, y morados

Lo hace por tí

Buenos días luna

El sol te dice, te quiero

Date Un Capricho

Treat Yourself!

Take yourself to a park, to your backyard or wherever might be your place of serenity, and serve yourself bread and butter with mermelada and a cafe con leche. So simple. But don’t allow it to be ordinary. Go to a bakery and get some really good quality rustic bread, your favorite butter (we all have a preference), and fresh marmalade. Make yourself a fresh pot of coffee. Decorate your table. Put out some fresh flowers. Take out your decorative plates and “plate” your bread. When you take out everything to your table, sit down, relax, and indulge in the beauty of what you’ve just created. Take a deep breath. Take in the view. Eat. Drink. And Enjoy.

Why we don’t do this more often.. will always puzzle me. Myself included. I had to come all the way to Europe to do what I just described. We take advantage of our home. We allow ourselves to get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, people, and just overall noise that we really do not allow ourselves to be reminded of the simplest of things, like a well dressed table, a beautiful plate, bread with butter, bread…

Reuniting myself with the culture of Spain has taught me that. Simplicity. Elegance. Attention to detail. The cuisine isn’t always that complicated, more often than not, it’s very simple. But it is always presented nicely, it is always presented with a touch of je ne sais quoi that makes it all the more inviting. Take your time. Give yourself time. Because when things are rushed, whatever it is your doing, does not have your full attention. In this case, your food would not have your full attention and it deserves that. Your bread and butter deserve that. You deserve it. Because ultimately you will be consuming that delicacy.

So, please, date un capricho and enjoy your home :)

No Todos Los Que Vagan Están Perdidos

Not all who wander are lost…. or are they?

I’ve done a lot of wandering around lately and I have felt pretty damn lost. Discovering and understanding how systems function in a new city, in a new country can take a lot of “getting/feeling lost” experiences. The silver lining is that once you have everything figured out, it’s more tools in your toolbox of life’s hacks and tricks!

I have come to realize that most people, have been lost at some point or another on their journey. You’re figuring out bus stations, bus stops, train stations, train stops, metro stations, metro stops…. what goes where and which one and in this process you are lost. Completely and utterly lost. Despite technology, Iphones, apps, forget it. It’s still a process. Will always be a process. I sincerely hope that life does not become that easy, where we never get lost sometimes.

I wouldn’t have said that 2 weeks ago, but here I am. Not lost. Sipping coffee. And yet, the experience was so nerve-racking, it has taken me two weeks to write about it.

I got to the train station. Bought a ticket. Didn’t quite fully understand exactly what kind of ticket I had bought, but whatever, I just went with it. Missed my stop. Why? Good question. I was unaware that in order for the doors to open, one has to press a button. So I waited. The doors did not open. I was confused. And more than anything panicked. In that state of panic, I got off on the next stop. Looked again at my phone (which had very little service) and discovered another route, which had me getting off on the next stop. Perfect! Waited. Got back on the train. Pressed the button!! And got off on the next stop. Problem. Aside from the fact that I was already late for work. I couldn’t get out. I felt like I was in a film by Bruñel, unable to leave. My ticket simply would not allow me access to exit. Now, fully immersed in my panic mode and on the verge of tears of anxiety and confusion. A little old lady asked me if I needed to leave and used her ticket, to let me out. I cried. People are nice. People are good. People are helpful. We always make the terrible mistake in assuming, and then assuming the worst. And we do this to humanity all the time. When I finally got out, I found my bus station. I asked a guy (must’ve been around 18) if my bus came to this station. Yes it did and then he told me, it was a half hour wait… In the meantime, he asked me where I was from, how I old I was. I told him 32. And as if that had no relevance, which it didn’t, he asked me to go out for some beers. And I’m thinking… in the states, this could be illegal, meanwhile this kid (however old he is 16-20) has more balls than most 30-40 year old men I know. So kudos to you! Moreover, he begins to roll a joint, to have a quick smoke before the bus arrives. Niceeee. I could’ve used a hit, myself. Maybe we will go out for some beers… (we did not and I do not smoke). The bus got there. I got on. 30 minutes later I got to work an hour and a half late at 10:30 am, only to find out, that on Mondays my classes start at 12:30. Greattttt!!!

A three hour experience of being lost, taught me some things. People are nice. And helpful. Sometimes, you have no other choice but to rely on them. For as much as we want to do things on our own and be independent and not ask for help, it’s sometimes necessary. It is necessary. You make connections, have human interactions, you are humbled and ultimately you create stories to share with other people.

Are all who wander lost? Sometimes. But the point is, one will always be found, and most likely, one will find one’s own self.

Rincones y Recovecos

Rincones y Recovecos

El reto es ver la belleza en todo

En cada momento, cada situación

En cada rincón y recoveco

Es que entre los rincones y recovecos permanece una belleza sencilla

una belleza escondida

Muy fácil pasar por alto

Por si estas viviendo en tu cabeza o en las nubes

Lo perderás

Abre el laberinto de tu corazón

Para ver las posibilidades que están enfrente

A lo mejor, no son tan buenas que los aquellos que viven en tu imaginación

Pero la belleza que esta enfrente

que existe en los rincones y recovecos

merece la pena

Camino

Peregrinaje

It’s no coincidence that I had to leave my books at home because they didn’t fit in my luggage. It’s no coincidence that because of that, I had to buy a book here. And it’s no coincidence that of all the Paulo Coelho books that were there, I chose this one. It was all meant to be.

I chose this one, simply because Compostela was in the title and Santiago de Compostela is in Spain. I am in Spain. So I am buying this book. Having read a couple of his books already, I knew that it was going to be about a journey. I figured since the title had Compostela, it would be about “Camino” and I was right. It is a most daunting and exhilarating journey. I have always been intrigued by the Camino. I have always admired the people who have had the audacity and courage to take that step and complete it, even if it’s just a portion of it. It requires you to leave everything behind and walk on foot through the Northern part of Spain, in the hopes of a spiritual epiphany, a catharsis, a revelation, search for meaning, or whatever it is you may be looking for. Isn’t that what we all look for in life?

I am enjoying living vicariously through this character as he embarks on his journey, his camino, and learning from it. I am only in the beginning and already I can relate to the fact that the character left everything at home to go to Spain. Taking that initial step, albeit already decided, was a difficult one and maybe even, the most, difficult one.

Part of his journey is to experience certain practices and the first one, is to convert yourself into a seed. Convert yourself into a seed, close your eyes, and become one with the ground. Hold yourself tight and envision that you truly are a seed and as the seed grows, plant your roots into the ground, sprout, grow, and keep growing. When the man opened his eyes he had envisioned himself as a full grown tree, standing up tall. This process of rebirth was imperative to this man’s journey on Camino. He had to be reborn so that his spirit and his heart was ready to commence this journey.

“No pensaba. Todo era oscuro y estaba adormecido en lo profundo de la tierra. De repente algo se movió. Era una parte de mí, un minúscula parte de mí que quería despertarme; decía que tenía que salir de allí porque había otra cosa… Comencé por mover mis dedos, y mis dedos fueron moviendo mis brazos, pero no eran ni dedos ni brazos, sino un pequeño brote que luchaba por vencer la fuerza de la tierra y caminar en dirección a ese… Todo era demasiado lento y yo tenía que luchar contra la fuerza que me empujaba hacia abajo… El cuerpo fue expandiéndose, expandiéndose, hasta que el dolor muscular se hizo tan intenso que no pude soportarlo mas y grite.” -Paulo Coelho "Peregrino de Compostela”

How many times do we reinvent ourselves in one lifetime? How often are we reborn? How often are we reborn of the spirit?

“…Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit, gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is, with everyone born of the Spirit.” John 3: 6-9

Cats have 9 lives. How many do we have? How dull and boring (in my opinion) would it be, if we only had one. I think it necessary, to constantly be reborn. Just the thought of it, is invigorating! The opportunity that we have, to be reborn and grow taller, better, and more beautiful is one that we must seize. It allows us to fully encapsulate a new aventure, give us a new perspective, or grant the same redundant routine a new meaning. It is what I imagine Thoreau relates to, when he says “suck out all the marrow out of life”.

P.S. “Civil Disobedience” was one of those books I left at home.

Las Bailarinas y La Duquesa

I couldn’t help but think of how maybe these little ballerinas would grow up to one day be this duchess. How much, as children we dance, love, feel free, and empathize with one another. The artist captured the sheer joy of letting yourself go and creative expression through dance. What freedom. In stark contrast the duchess is striking, elegant, and regal. We grow up to keep our composure and be poised, and demure.

That look that she gives you as SHE walks by. A look and a posture, of strength and confidence. It fills me with wonder. What did she go through? What was she like? Was she happy? So much of her personality is exhibited through the painting and at the same time there are so many question marks. I hope she was. I hope she was happy. I could look it up, but for now I am going to bask in the thought that she was all of those things (happy, elegant, strong, confident) and more. I all of a sudden, feel a sense of duty to do you proud.

There really is something to be said, about sitting and standing up tall. It’s like if that seemingly small and insignificant gesture automatically gives you strength and independence. Strength and independence. We hear it so many times, from the women of the past, the women of now, and it echoes, from the women soon to come, within the dimensions of the future. We yearn for it.

Discovering what our raison d’etre for wanting strength and independence is truly where we delve into the depths of our womanhood. Is it to prove ourselves to others? To men in particular? (completely understandable.. by the way) To ourselves? I must solemnly admit, I yearn for it, to prove myself to other women. To prove that I too, can do it. That I too, can make you proud. It’s a topic that gets me emotional every time. I admire so many women in my life and my most sincere hope, is to make them proud.

Throughout this reflection, one that I have spent much time thinking about, I have come to the conclusion that strength and independence infiltrates best when love, empathy, and compassion are your first priority. What merit does strength and independence have if it replaces compassion and empathy? What merit does it have, if you do it, for others, and not for yourself first?

I have discovered that the first step in this process is to love yourself and to empathize with yourself first and foremost. See yourself from the outside in. Easier said than done. Especially in a world filled with comparisons and constant criticism. We forget how to be kind to ourselves and in turn, to others. Learning to love and have a compassion for yourself is in tandem with loving and having a compassion for others. This is what will give you the strength, independence, and courage to be self-sufficient and ultimately happy :).

Art does this. This is the essence and purpose of art at it’s core. To inspire. To provoke thought. To reveal aspects of your being that were never discovered before. Art, if given it’s deserved attention, has the ability to affect change and thought; it is how creativity changes the world for the better.

You can find these incredible pieces of art at the Thyssen-Bornemisza National Museum.

Días Grises

Mira que días grises sí tienen color!!

Por que entre el miedo y el incertidumbre

Tiempos oscuros

Siempre existe la luz

La luz que siempre comienza el día

con los rayos del sol y lo que nos da vida

¿Pero no te das cuenta?

La oscuridad, también tiene color

Colores existen por varios tonos y matices

Lo más brillantes son fácil identificar y ver

Lo más oscuros, tímidos y escondidos dentro las sombras

Son colores lujos y suculentos

Colores misteriosos y lleno de intriga

Allí es donde te vas encontrar

No te encontrarás con la luz…

Ni con el sol

Te encontrarás con la luna

El reto es buscar y encontrar la belleza que existe en la oscuridad

Cuentos de Gran Vía

The true magic of Madrid lies in it’s art, which cultivates its culture. The art that is embedded in its architecture, paintings, fashion, music, and ultimately its people who create the art. Here among the street of Gran Vía, she was singing, for anyone and anybody who wanted to listen.

This is what we live for! We live for art, poetry, music, architecture (insert Dead Poets Society clip).. we live for poetic words, beautiful sunsets, inspiring music, neverending hugs and kisses, delicious food, and for the things where we can absolutely immerse and indulge ourselves in. Something that gives us the ability and the opportunity to close our eyes and melt as we dive into another dimension of our soul, another dimension, that we may not have even known existed. What a scrumptious and delightful feeling!

With this year, being so challenging, I often think, that we as a society have lost sight of those attributes (listed above) that inspire us so much. That give us life! Because without it, what is there?

What truly amazed me, is how seamlessly she just sat there with her piano, on one of the biggest, most crowded streets in the world and just sang. With a volume and confidence that was heard throughout. So often, you hear musicians claim that you can’t just sing, you have to tell a story… you have to give and feel a sentiment. The sentiment and emotion of her rendition of typical Spanish songs were heard and felt throughout. If you closed your eyes, without being aware of where you were or what you were listening to, you would immediately know that her music was from Spain. It was that identifiable. How beautiful when a culture is so deep and embedded within its roots and its people, that one can recognize it immediately.

If you believe that a song is a story and reversely, a story can be a song, then the story is that she despite any incertidumbre she might have had or had in the past, enfrentó her retos, picked a spot on Gran Vía for her speaker and her piano and began to sing for anyone and anybody that wanted to listen.

Pura Magia

El Jardín Botánico Real

Pura magia… it was like something out of a fairytale…

Viviré entre las flores

Si me busques

Encuéntrame en mi hogar

En mi refugió

Entre la magia que son las flores en el jardín

La magia que existe en los rosados, las naranjas, y los amarillos de un atardecer

Encuéntrame plantada con ellas

Viviendo con la luz de la luna

Circulando entre las hojas y los pétalos

Si me busques…

Encuéntrame viviendo entre las flores

Dirty Chai

Here October 31 is like any other Saturday. As for me, I can happily say that I found my coffee spot. As you’ve probably already guessed, coffee is a big deal for me. It’s that indulgence that invites you to have an experience as you sit down, sink back in your chair, and sip.

Have a coffee break with me. Enjoy everything from the latte art, the different size mugs, the variety of ways it is prepared and drank, to the way it is presented… there is a certain elegance and peace of mind that comes with, sitting down for a cup of coffee.

It feels good to discover a spot that serves as, somewhat of a safe haven, when you need a pick me up, something to do on a Sunday night, someone to say hello to, a treat, or just somewhere to go and think about nothing. Establishing that spot is crucial when moving to a new place, where nothing feels like home; it is up to you to recreate a ¨home¨. This theme has been in apparent in so many movies and series, like Elle Woods making friends with her manicurist in Legally Blonde or Lorelei Gilmore when she moves to Sleepy Hollow and going to Luke’s Diner everyday. The reason being, that, the theme is entirely relatable. The idea of taking chances, being on your own, and depending on other people. We, as human beings, long for that human interaction, that human bond. Secondly, for some kind of consistency, because with a big change there isn’t much of that. Instinctively and maybe without realizing it, you create connections, acquaintances, friendships and a new home within your new place. The owners already know me by name and greet me with a friendly smile every time I come in. ¨I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship¨ - Casablanca, 1942. And I’m not just talking about the coffee ;)

The coffee pictured above is a dirty chai. A dirty chai is a shot of espresso, chai, and milk. It’s delicious.

Agradecimiento

Sun,

I can’t express to you enough, how happy I am to see you! I am so glad that you finally decide to come out. I know you have a lot of places to be and most of the time, all at once. It may be selfish of me, to ask you to come everyday, but it’s just that, I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoy your company. You make me want to get out of bed, get things done, go for a walk, and ultimately you make me smile :). Thank you for being part of our universe.

Sorry clouds… you have not been appreciated these past few days.

Angie

Enfrentando Retos

It’s been a minute… taking moments to truly indulge (and I have) in the little things that make me happy has been crucial throughout this process because nothing is easy especially for someone who is not a ¨go-getter¨ or necessarily confrontational. Just the thought of all the things that I have to ¨enfrentar¨ or confront (especially in a foreign country), such as opening a bank account, acquiring a Spanish phone number, Coronavirus test, etc… gives me a little anxiety. The most silly aspect of it all, is that once you do confront it, it’s not that bad… it’s not even bad at all.

It’s really all just in my head. And people are just people. Really what are we (or I, let me not allow myself the liberty of including everyone) afraid of? For me, it’s the idea of inconveniencing someone, their reaction of annoyance. And of course, if I had a friend going through the same thing I would have the most excellent advice, for sure! Put it to practice, that’s a whole other thing. I will say this, if it wasn’t for the constant advice and words of encouragement, I would be in a completely different state of mind.

The thing about living in Barrio De Las Letras, is that you had Lope de Vega and Cervantes who lived and created amongst these streets (hence the name). In addition, the neighborhood is sandwiched in between some of the most famous art museums in the world: Prado, Reina Sofia, Thyssen. It seems like the neighborhood is constantly whispering to you, to create, to ¨enfrentar¨ those fears y luchar para adelante con todo tu imaginación, con todos tus miedos, y crear. Create. Bad or good. But create.

Diario

Second official full day of this adventure. I’m desperate to get bearings but I’m taking it one day at a time. The amount of positive feedback and encouragement I’ve received from friends, family, and acquaintances has been so wonderfully, positively overwhelming, that it keeps me looking forward. It was so very nice to actually speak to someone face to face today! You appreciate those little things when you’re on your own.

However, I will say this: Silence has taught me a lot. It has taught me to be mindful, notice nature, pray, write, to appreciate my surroundings, and ultimately to have a true conversation with my thoughts. I have been able to delve past the superficial and go into the depth of what they really are, while at the same time remaining on the surface. Am I making any sense? In simpler terms, being on the surface and being mindful of what’s directly in front of you leads you to discover what is in your depth.

So far, I have had conversations with my diario. My journal and I talk every night, at around 8:30. It is mostly me doing the talking and the diario, the listening.

Incertidumbre

First full day and it definitely had it´s moments of incertidumbre. I would not be honest and up front with you if I negated this fact. A cloudy day, question marks, and bits of anxiety would lead anybody to question their status quo. The decision was most decidedly difficult albeit already decided. Moving to another country in the middle of a pandemic, in the middle of a lock down, economic regression, and so on and so forth (and pretty much everything that sums up 2020). A year of what seems like indefinite incertidumbre. And I just added a little bit more of it to my life…

However, change no matter how big or small always has its fair share of incertidumbre. And upon reflection (from writing this post), incertidumbre does not necessarily imply something negative… we give it that implication… it simply means exactly what it is… uncertainty.

But life is all about perspective, because with as much incertidumbre one may have, if you are mindful, you will discover the things around you that fill your life with certainty… phone calls with your family, encouragement from your friends, a really good cup of coffee…

Within this process of incertidumbre I´ve learned to let go and let God… let go and let nature… let go and let yoga… let go and let coffee… let go and let the sun and the moon… let go and observe… let go and reflect… let go and write…